i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
