When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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