Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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