Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
