Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
