I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
