He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
