i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
