and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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