You're my little dorito
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
