Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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