i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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