How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
