dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
