Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
