get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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