two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
