I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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