A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
