Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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