Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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