the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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