He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
