Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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