Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
