does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
