"it" just moved
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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