When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
