apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I am morally bankrupt
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
