I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
