one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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