just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
