we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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