i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
