HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
