That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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