I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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