Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
