An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
