Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
