Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
