There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
