so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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