Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
