I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
