dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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