There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
