I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
