was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
