Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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