my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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