Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
