Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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