Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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