Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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